There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize