i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
