your room smells of hookers.
And success
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
