3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
