i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
