so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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