i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
