I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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