I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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