i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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