Don't make out with my wife yet
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So. Much. Porn.
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