Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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