You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
