A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The air taste purple.
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