i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
