I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
