Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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