RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
