loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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