Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
