You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
