I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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