Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
