the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
