I wish I could teleport
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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