"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
