Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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