I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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