1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize