I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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