I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize