I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't just leave with hair like that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
