Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
