oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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