Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
