it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
