Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
