Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
