The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
