I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
