Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
