weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize