I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
