Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please don't give away my fajitas
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
