Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
