I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
