Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
