I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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