i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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