1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
