Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
