This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize