Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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