My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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