dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
