there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
