i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
