if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
