I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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