The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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