was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
