I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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