highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
