office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
