her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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