so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
