I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
